Independent Commitment ceremony at Boringdon Hall, Plympton, Devon

photo copied from Boringdon Hall website

This  intimate commitment ceremony was organised very quickly by a couple in a  hurry not to waste any time now that they have found each other.  Their life experiences, and particularly the adversity they have met, made them want to "seize the day" or, as Harry said (in When Harry Met Sally)
" ...  because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

The Parker Room for intimate ceremonies at Boringdon Hall

Boringdon Hall has been converted to a country house hotel and spa and is staffed by warm and friendly people who facilitated this ceremony with tolerant good humour.
The Parker room is a lovely size for a small ceremony and was dressed simply and prettily by the staff.

From the burst of sunlight at the entrance....

Up the steps to the petal strewn ceremony space for intimate weddings at Boringdon Hall the photos in the charming courtyard....

family and friends holding out the wedding veil

 ....and in between, the intimate circle of family and close friends.....

fully surrounded by guests in this ceremony space

.....and a handfasting element (with laughter)...

tying the knot

.. this was a short, sweet ceremony all about declaring a commitment for all time.

photo credits: Ron Joyce

"........everything has been said that needs to be. I love the fact that you have incorporated the love thing I suggested. Thank you Kim. It’s a great piece of writing that reflects where Mark and I have been, where we are now and where we are both heading together...thank you so much Kim. You are definitely the right person for the job..."  Elizabeth

Venue: Boringdon Hall

Betty O’Barley and Harry O’Hay: my perfect wedding couple

I saw this children's book, "The Scarecrow's weddding" and the thing about it is that it is a story of  "the wedding that nobody will ever forget" - exactly what so many of us are looking for!
The scarecrow's story has many familiar elements: a proposal, planning (not forgetting a list), findng the things on the list, a bit of adversity, loyalty and the involvement of those around them. 

It includes the importat things that I think a wedding is really about:
1. love
2. commitment
3. care
4. making their ceremony really their own
5. lots of happiness and big smiles

And it has elements that add to the loveliness without costing the earth:
1. accepting the involvement and help of others as well as appreciatig their skills
2. locally sourced suppplies
3. recycling and re-using existing materials
4. being inventive and resourceful, which reflects how they are

They successfully avoided:
1. big spending
2. feeling they had to follow out-dated rules
3. anyone telling them they "should" or "must" do anything

And you too can create this magic, so that you have
 "..the best wedding ever, the best wedding yet,
the wedding that no one will ever forget"

The Scarecrows’ Wedding by Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler
Published by Alison Green Books. Price £6.99

PS An independent celebrant would definitely be useful too
PPS I haven't yet worked out why there was a lobster on the farm!

8 steps to your independent wedding - how to have your wedding anywhere

Usually, after the congratulations, people will ask you: "Where are you getting married?"And, after reading this, you will know that you can answer: "Wherever we want, any place we like!"

 “Any place” can be, [but doesn’t have to be]

  • a church
  • a Registration Office
  • a grand licensed-for-marriages venue

OR, it can in fact be held in any place at all.

In this guide, Kim Murray, an Independent Wedding Celebrant in Devon, outlines how you can get your dream wedding without the usual constraints.

Arch in the field at South Milton Barn, South Hams, Devon

There are some fantastic wedding venues without a licence, providing amazing indoor/outdoor/tented options for magical personalised ceremonies.But you don’t even have to actually have an established venue because, with a bit of careful planning, it is possible to have your ceremony on a beach, in a field, on the moor. You might also want to think about a village hall with a garden or even your own home and garden.

How can this work?

It helps to think of your wedding in two parts:

  • the legal requirement
  • the actual ceremony

In this country we are used to having to choose between a religious ceremony and a civil ceremony; in both cases the legal requirement and the ceremony take place at the same time.  Because of the legal status of these ceremonies there are necessarily certain restrictions on the words used and, because of the number of marriages held on one day, limits for flexibility on timings and content.
In many other countries this is not the case at all.  The legal requirement is dealt with quite separately from the ceremony, even when that ceremony is held in a church. In France, for example, the couple first go along to the town hall and sign a legal document and then go elsewhere for their actual ceremony.
In this country there is a growing popularity for choosing a similar route: a simple, fifteen minute,  legal marriage at a Registration Office with just two witnesses held in the weeks/days before a full wedding ceremony, which is conducted by an independent celebrant in front of all your family and friends.

So how do I organise this? 

 With this 8 step guide, of course:

1. Choose the place you want to have your independent wedding ceremony

2. Choose the date of your independent wedding ceremony

Once you have decided these two things you can start planning all the preliminaries around your date and place.

And now for the legal niceties...

GIVING NOTICE of marriage is the first legal step.  Everybody has to do this before they may marry.
So ~

3. Choose a registration office  for your legal marriage.

You may choose any office in England and Wales for the marriage.

If you are coming to Devon (yay!) in the week before your wedding, and you wish to do the legal bit here you can find a local Registration Office  here:

[I have conducted ceremonies on two occasions where the couple have been to the Registration Office in the morning and had their independent wedding ceremony in the afternoon of the same day – I am in awe of their organisational skills!!]

You need to decide on the registration office first, because it will be recorded when you give notice and if you change your mind later you would have to go through the whole process, including paying the fee, all over again.

4. Now you need to make a phone call to the Registration Office where you would like to have your legal marriage, to book a date and time.

In Devon, this telephone number is 0345 155 1002.

If you are having your legal marriage somewhere else you will be able to find the number on the internet: search for www.your  and then search for “registration”
You just need to ask to book a marriage ceremony and they will ask relevant questions! It's good to confirm you can have the date and time that you want.
The registration service may ask you to pay in full at the time of booking. The statutory fee for a ceremony with two witnesses is £46.

5. Next you need to make an appointment to give notice.

If you are having your legal marriage in your home registration office, the person you spoke to at step 4 will almost certainly ask you about booking your appointment. Or you could ask them.

BUT if you are getting married at a registration office outside of your home district, you will need to make an appointment to give notice in the district where you  live. If the two of you live at separate addresses it is possible that you will need to go to different offices to give notice, depending on boundaries.

Remember to check which documents you will need to take with you to this appointment.
Notice to marry MUST be given NOT LATER THAN 28 days before your legal marriage; it can be given up to one year before your legal marriage.

TOP TIP: try to make an appointment as soon as you can – it’s great to get this formality completed; one less thing to worry about.

Twenty-eight days after you have given notice, the registration service produce your "certificate for marriage".  This piece of paper is gold dust because it is a crucial legal document: no document = no marriage.

When you are giving your notice to marry, the date and venue of your independent ceremony are not relevant to the registration service: they need to know which registration office, date and time you are planning your legal marriage.
When you arrive at your appointment you will be seen separately and, as well as producing the required documents, you will each be expected to know how long you have been together, how long you have lived at your current address, and each other's occupation, full name & date of birth.
Giving notice will cost you £35 each.

6. Attend the right office (!) for your legal marriage

In this legal marriage ceremony you are legally required to:
· Confirm your full names
· Make a declaration that you are legally free to marry by repeating the words after the Registrar
· Say the contracting words that you each take the other to be your lawful wedded spouse by repeating the words after the Registrar.
Because Registrars are lovely they will  make a bit of a ceremony around these legal words and you can, but you are not obliged to, exchange rings or vows - just tell the registrar that you do not wish to do that and they will be really nice about it. 
You are legally married!

7. Have an amazing independent wedding ceremony at your chosen place

You will be united in love, witnessed by all the  people who are important to you.

8Love each other forever.....

Cat and Tom getting married in a private garden ceremony in Black Dog, mid Devon